Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Jaime's Den - Rotation Insomnai

I hope this article does not appear to be insensitive to Yong Joon’s situation. Knowing some of you sisters are affected by his candid interview, hope this silly piece will bring a smile to your beautiful face today …….

So Yong Joon ssi, you feel trapped in a circle and do not have any freedom? Ah-la-sol, no sweat! Dr. Jaime is coming to the rescue!

J : "Yong Joon ssi, how about asking all Bae sisters to rotate and each spend a day along your side?"
B : "Jaime ssi, didn’t you read my GQ interview OR HAVE YOUR MIND BEEN EXPORTED TO LALA LAND THIS WEEK?!"
J : "No no no, please let me finish…. You know, our sisters all speak different languages, possess different personalities, backgrounds and talents. We can share our unique cultures and experiences with you. Since you have such an enormous appetite for knowledge, I am sure you’ll find each of us to be an interesting companion rather than a burden. In the meantime, the rest of the sisters can just wait patiently for their turn and not follow you around anymore. This way you’ll get your freedom back and also not feel lonely, sounds good? There is even a fringe benefit - you’ll be fluent in 278 languages around the world after talking to all of us! No? Bad idea?"
B : "Give me plan B, Jaime ssi?", frowning and shaking his gorgeous head.
J : "Huh, plan B? What plan B? There’s no plan B, BB or BBB, Yong Joon ssi.", scratching my head with the usual dumb look on my face.

So counting those blah blah black sheep didn’t work, huh? Still, no need to resort to those high-priced psychiatrist and pills when you have ‘moi’! I am known for my babbling skill and longwinded comments, two minutes talking to me and I guarantee you’ll be sleeping like a baby! Don’t believe me? Here’s my credential :

One night, my husband and I were tossing and turning in bed for an hour and could not go to sleep. Out of nowhere, he uttered the four English words that’ve never been known to come out from a married man’s mouth before - "YOU WANT TO TALK?". Instantly, my eyes were wide open, I smiled contentedly to myself and proceeded to babble away. Just five (I swear), five sentences into my glorious speech, I heard a ‘guzzzzz…..’ sound blasting at an increasing volume from the other side! Enough said ladies and gentlemen - I rest my case!

Now, I normally would not tear myself away from my glamorous ‘ajumma’ life to provide such hypnosis service. But for you, big guy, I am willing to bend my rules a little. I will move into your apartment (Calm down! Calm down! No need to be alarmed, I understand, living room only, right? You sleep on the sofa, I sleep on the floor.), not without condition though : start ordering those 450 threadcount Egyptian cotton bedsheets and downfilled pillows eh - goose down, not duck! Ah-la-ji?

Despite my kicking and screaming objection, the Bae sisters have already decided the rotation on a last name basis. My last name happens to start with Z (I kick my husband for asking me to change my name from A to Z!). If I do the calculations right, I guess I’ll meet you in Seoul in 20 years 3 months and 18 days. Meet me at the airport with a wheelchair ready, ok? In the mean time, sweet dreams!

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