Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Jaime's Den - New Career

As some of you may already know, I am a relatively new fan of BYJ. The last few months has really been an emotional roller coaster for me – ecstatic to know such an amazing man exists in this world, depressed that I will never have the pleasure of knowing him personally. Rather than cooping up all the feelings inside, I find it therapeutic to put it in writing. Since I don’t know enough about Yongjoon-ssi, I just dreamed up some fictitious events to create a fantasy story. It is not meant to offend anyone, hope you have fun reading it …….. jaime

From the accounts of so many generous sisters who have shared their experiences of encountering BYJ, I am surprised to find out that not only it’s almost impossible to talk to him. You have to be on God’s good side to even catch a glimpse of him. During the Toronto Film Festival , it’s really not that hard to find Harrison Ford or Orlando Bloom alike strolling down the street with a latte in their hands. I can picture how huge a superstar BYJ is in Asia! I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I said to myself, "ummm…, I cannot leave it up to luck or act of God to grant me that opportunity to meet him". I’ve got to be more proactive or do something more innovative (regrettably the two traits that I never possess)! How do I get to know "the" BYJ and see him and talk to him every day???? BINGO!!!! I can get a job working close to him! Oh Jaime girl, you are so brilliant!

So I started watching his videos closely (frame by frame) - Saitama arena, Japan TV interviews, Beijing trip, you name it. I notice every time he goes out on public appearance, he always bring along an entourage of at least 20 of his closest aid. Hey, maybe there are some spots I can squeeze in to work by his side. Ummm, let me see, now there’s the :

1. ever present dashing Manager Yang (I can’t take his job though cause he is bb and yokee’s SECOND main man! Ok next….)

2. cute and talented Ms. Hong (Yongjoon trusts himself totally to her fashion style. With me? He’ll probably be on his way to the next WORST-dressed list!)

3. newly married Director Bae (no no, he needs a job NOW more than anyone else to feed his new bride. Gee …. I am such a softie!)

4. courteous interpreter Mr. Hwang (so far I’ve learned close to 50 Korean words – hana, dool, set, net, and the multi-purpose "KEN-TSAN-NYO "! …... am I qualified?)

5. artistic photographer Mr. Kim (ok tell me honestly Yongjoon-ssi, will you consider "handling a disposable camera" a MARKETABLE skill in my resume?)

6. personal trainer JP-nim (how can I come up with a recipe "YUMMIER" than that infamous chicken breast shake? Yikkkeee!)

7. muscular bodyguard standing over 6’2", 250 lbs (shall I take him on with my 5’5", 110 lbs skin and bone body ? Better not, I only want to meet Yongjoon-ssi, not to be CRUSHED to death!)

I keep going down the list : the hair stylist, makeup artist, videographer, publicist …….. Sigh! These are all topnotched, renowned professional at the top of their respective fields. That’s all Yongjoon wants anyway – BEST of the BEST! Ok ok, I know I am out of their league. BUT, I am NOT giving up that easy! I am known for my flexibility, I can certainly improvise a few NEW positions as circumstances arise :

8. with his ever growing fortune, he probably needs a ‘professional shopper’ to scout the globe for the best champagne, caviar, historic villa, luxury yacht and supersonic jet to indulge after a long hard day of work. Here is where I fit in perfectly, shopping happens to be one of my better life skills (or so my poor husband can attest to). However I heard Yongjoon is a down-to-earth, kind-hearted and generous person, he rather donates his money to worthy causes than splurge it. No problem, then how about being his ‘Investment Portfolio Advisor’? Ummm, sounds impressive, I like that! But darn! I almost forgot I flunked a good many of my Finance and Economics courses in university : 101, 201, 301 …. . for dozing off zzzzz during lectures. Even I would NOT trust my OWN financial advice, why would Yongjoon-ssi?

9. Ha, how about being his interior designer? I love getting up at 2 o’clock in the morning and re-arrange all my furniture until I think I got it perfect. Except in the morning that poor husband gets up thinking that he slept in the wrong house last night! Recently, we Bae sisters have the pleasure of peeking into Yongjoon’s home (SECOM CF) and his restaurant GORILLA. I am sure we all agree that his design taste is impeccable : urban minimalism, high-end designer chic. However, it’s totally incompatible to my eclectic style (anything that costs $0) – namely a mixture of hand-me-downs, curb-side discards and Salvation Army rejects. So dear sisters, no matter how much I adore Yongjoon, I will not compromise my design style (or the lack of it) to please a client. So, this deal’s off!

10. These days most of the Hollywood’s "who’s who" all have their own autobiography. With Yoonjoon being a sweeping phenomenon in Asia (and the world) and commanding such a distinguished career, he definitely should have an autobiography about his life and works. I (moi) volunteer to be Yongjoon’s personal biographer and stay by his side for as long as it takes (which can be forever, hehehe!). Mr. Hwang, how many times am I allowed to reuse the ONLY 50 Korean words I know to complete a book??

Aye, by now, I have come to realize the cruel facts that I am only qualified for jobs which require absolutely no skill and no brain at all. I’d better dig deep and fast before even those jobs are snatched up by other "smarter" sisters. So, I am back to square one, checking his interviews/trips videos frame by frame and WALA! I FOUND IT! I FOUND MY DREAM JOB! Now now sisters, let’s not fight over it. In fact, I found a few. Let’s share, ok?

10. ‘air quality controller’ a.k.a. ‘fan girl’ : Yes! There are actually 2 girls whose sole responsibilities are to fan him while he was walking back and forth from stage. They also dry his sweats during interview breaks by lifting up his silky hair and pat a tissue on his sexy forehead and neck (aye …. tough job)! If I were them, I would just lick his sweats off with my tongue and cool him off by blowing wind to his face …..can’t breatheee ….(NOW Jaime, this is WAY OUT OF LINE! SHAME ON YOU! Anymore of this crap, you will be BANNED from Quilt forever!). Ok ok sorry, what can I say? My willpower is weak, sigh! ….. Now the million dollar question : how do I get that job? No I CAN’T, unless I am willing to wait 40 years for those girls to RETIRE.

11. ‘disposal engineer’ a.k.a. ‘garbage girl’ : when Yongjoon finishes smoking his cigarette or chewing his gum, somebody has to dispose it for him, right? (I am risking my life here since I can’t breathe cigarette smokes at all. But for Yongjoon-ssi, I am willing to bend the rules a little. Hey! I didn’t say I have principles.) According to bb’s blog, during the AS Super Live concert in Yonsei University : whenever Yongjoon made a slight turn in his head, before you know what’s going on, one staff with supersonic reflex already disposed the gum for him. (Thanks to sister mariko’s reminder : this job should actually be "treasure collector", who would want to throw away anything that our dear handsome prince disposes of?! Be it cigarette butts or chewed gum!)

12. ‘hydro supply manager’ a.k.a. ’water girl’ : this is it, this is the one! I notice Yongjoon loves drinking water, and lots of it too : during the Beijing press conference, Japan trips, IMAGE interview etc.. I have no problem strapping at least 10 bottles of water around my body at any one time. You name it, I got it : hot/cold, mineral/spring, carbonated/non-carbonated, flavoured/unflavoured; standing by and ready to serve.

They say you only have the first 2 minutes in an interview to make an impression. So I strode into his room with my head held up high (disregarding the yelling staff running after me), slammed open the door and fully confident to demonstrate my proficiency in the new job. Oh my God! There HE was, his Royal Highness / the National Treasure of Korea / the larger-than-life Yonsama was just coming out of a shower, body still dripping with water, wrapped in a towel like an angel! That fresh clean gorgeous face, smooth sexy muscular body! Oh no …. I don’t need 2 minutes, all I took was 2 seconds to turn myself into a complete idiot! And what an impression I made - I was starstruck / lovestruck and worst, BYJ-syndrome-struck. I have lost control of almost all my bodily functions, except fixating my eyeballs on the gorgeous man and murmuring googoogaagaa. Help! …. I can’t breathe. Will somebody in the room please give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? NO, not JUST anybody! I meant THAT body – that ultra sexy heavenly Yongjoon-ssi! While he was startled (of course, I acted like a lunatic trespassing into his room), he still remained calm and looked at me with his concerned eyes, drowning me with his warm smile. In the background, I heard some thundering, high-pitched voice yelling "YOU"RE FIRED!!!!" louder and faster than "YOU’RE HIRED".

Sigh! My chance of landing a dream job of being close to Yongjoon is shattered. I hope you dear sisters out there will have better luck than me. That’s why I am writing this story out as a lesson (not to be) learned. As for me, I guess I better stick back to my day job of being a desperate housewife (in case I lose that one too!).

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