Saturday, August 19, 2006

Jaime's Den - Not Enough Time For BYJ

Dear sisters …. I know I’m supposed to continue my serious Manet series, but I just suddenly felt like beating a different drum. So I digressed and drafted this, hope you’ll like it …..

In the 21st century, what is the most precious commodity that modern women like you can never get enough of and keep wanting for more? Diamond, man or time? TIME of course! (ok ok MAN …. especially with that handsome hunk BYJ, right?). We often heard of the use of 4 ‘C’s to define quality :

For diamond : colour, clarity, cut and carat (in order to further explore these complex criteria, I think the husbands should immediately submit a BIG sample for our perusal.)

For man : cash, credit card, car and camera?? (Don’t laugh at me please, I just relate what I heard when I was a young girl). Now that I’ve grown older and wiser, I prefer to define my own 4 ‘C’s to be : charisma, character, compassion and career. Ladies, what are your 4 ‘C’s in a man?

Does this man happen to fit in yours?

For time : the big question is “how can us ‘responsibility-overload’ women squeeze more time out from our super busy schedule for our dear BYJ?”. There’re his precious news, gorgeous pictures, beautiful artworks, exciting videos and interesting write-ups. Its time again for jaime to mobilize those scarce brain matters between her 2 ears to improvise her own 4 ‘C’s in BYJ time management :

1. Consolidate

Unless you sleep on a bench in the park, but if you live in any space covered by a ceiling and bound by 4 walls, then there are endless parade of chores waiting for you at home. I’m a modern woman, I heard of ‘convenience’ words like automate, delegate, streamline and even exterminate ….

Hmmm, how about exercising my authority and start delegating those ‘intellectually non-stimulating’ chores to those non-productive members in the family? Regrettably, ‘yours truly’ falls nicely into that category and is currently at the bottom of that domestic ladder. I am in charge of the rub and scrub, wipe and sweep, wash and dry, and everything in between. Basically the maid, chef, janitor, chauffeur and gardener all rolled in one. If I don’t start gobbling up my food faster, cutting my shower time shorter and employ both hands and feet, I will have no hope of ever sitting down in front of my PC to look at that gorgeous BYJ!

So I’ll say “just let the dust pile up one more layer”, tell me, does anyone really notice? So what if the grass grows another inch taller, it’ll be a more fertile feeding ground for those ‘illegal alien’ rabbits anyway. Hehe …. come to think of it, actually the plumper they grow, there’ll be more meat to serve for my BBQ this summer!

Yong Joon ssi, if you can do it, I can do it too!

But since you’re at it, do you mind doing one more dress for me please?

2. Capitalize

I used to sweat myself off in the kitchen every evening for 3 long and agonizing hours washing and cutting to drum up a grand feast for my family. I often refer this time as my ‘hot oil treatment’ moment, why? Because this lady is receiving boiling oil flying from all directions splattering over my hair, face, neck, arms and hands. Trust me, so many times I contemplated wearing a paper bag over my head with 3 holes cut out for my 2 eyes and nose just to combat this war of shooting oil. After the dust (and oil) is settled and some 20 odd pots and pans piling up in the sink, then I would squeal at the top of my lung the 2 most horrifying words ever heard in the ‘Z’ household - “DINNER’S READY!”. In the next 10 seconds, the whole house would start shaking and trembling, then a series of rumbling footsteps and slamming doors upstairs. I knew that father and son were frantically dashing for their secret attic and closet hiding space to escape from the ‘torture of the inedible kind’.

Yong Joon, I heard that you love serving different kinds of tea to your guests into the WEE hours of the morning. I wonder if Mr. Sohn felt the same torture as my husband and son when his bladder was about to explode? Since my culinary skills (or the lack of it) is not appreciated, now the only thing that I make for dinner is ‘RESERVATION’! That conveniently gives me an extra 3 hours per day for my dear handsome prince, more harmonious mealtime and a burnt-free jaime! A win-win-win situation!

Mr. Sohn pleads, “Ok ok, I’ll introduce you to some girls if you promise not to serve me tea anymore!”

3. Co-ordinate

Enrol the son in all sorts of sports activities (baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, you name it) with the longest waiting time. Bring along a laptop or portable DVD player (make sure it’s FULLY charged) and enjoy watching my BYJ news and dramas at leisure. Now there’s a trick though : REMEMBER to make a pact with a parent in my son’s team and have her sit next to me. Whenever his team scores (trust me, past record shows that this happens rarer than ‘a flowerpot dropped on my head while walking in an open field’), tell her to give me a quick elbow to wake me up from my BYJ fantasia. Why? So I can spring my whole body up right away and start clapping my hands as loudly as I can. Using supersonic speed search to scan the entire field to locate my son. When I make eye contacts with him, quickly stick my both thumbs up high with a big grin on my face as if I’ve been watching the game all along!

Ladies, the beauty of this is while I am drowning in the handsomeness of our BIG prince, my own LITTLE prince can turn out to be another all-round sporty hunk like our Yong Joon! How brilliant!

4. Co-operate

Appear real gracious and selfless when suggesting a ‘male-bonding’ father and son day or even weekend. Be it golfing in spring, sailing in summer, camping in fall or skiing in winter (the longer the better). I guarantee you that father and son will be jumping for joy and moved to tears thanking mama for making the painful sacrifice of staying all alone in the house! HA, imagine? The whole weekend of Yong Joon without any disturbance! You got to try this one some day!

Dear sisters, I know that these are totally ridiculous ideas and offer absolutely no help to you. If any sister has any practical (and realistic!) time saving tips, please share with us!

Disclaimer : No husband, son or ‘illegal alien’ rabbit is harmed in any way or form during the making of this article. Don’t Humane Society or Center for Domestic Abuse come knocking at my door please!


mrs a said...

ooooohhhhhhh I love these pics of wuri YongJoon.

BTW ...just had a revelation...I can have tea any hour. I wonder if I should make sure he knows that is one of my qualities...hahaha

Jaime, you are brillant writer and always make me SMILE!

jaime said...

haha mrs a,

this is definitely a BIG ++++! quickly add it to your profile please! now the question is, do u have a super-size bladder cause you have to prepare for continuous refill from our handsome prince?

btw, I have officially become the first and only 'malnourished' BYJ fan after bb's trip since you hid that last piece of cookie crumbs from me.

mrs a said...

oh, guilt trip lane - no no please! I feel sooooo bad! (cough,cough) Does it help if I say it was pretty crummy? I sorry. I will be a good bae-bie and share! And I will eat the cheese without wine-ing! Naw...not my style gotta have reisling! :)

Oh Jaime, everything I have is big it seems - so I hope my bladder is too.... hahaha You know I think I could do anything if HE - THE DUDE asked me to - OH...Blushing.... So bring on the tea wuri YongJoon. Don't know about you but just thinking about having tea all night long with him and small chit chat hearing that beautiful voice,seeing that grin and big natural smile is so so endearing and sexy - I might be loosing it huh? I think I got hit with BaeDust whatcha think? He sure works his magic pretty far around the world.