Friday, July 28, 2006

Have We Really Loved? - Jaeho-ya, What Do You Wanna Eat?

Just when you thought I am done with HWRL, here comes another one. It is an old posting in Quilt. But I just found it recently from Did not realized this website before, until I gooled for HWRL songs. This piece came to me in surprise, I was aware of it since Yukomaru san told me about it before. It is one of the two articles of her 13 ones being translated into English, but I've never got lucky to find it until I found Again, any Jaeho related article is a nice or sad read. This one is particularly sad. I can tell the author was very passionate about Jaeho. Aparently she wrote this during last summer before April Snow was done. I found this summer is even hotter. BYJ has definitely been heating up all Asia and my side of the ocean hotter and hotter. Hopefully after this summer we can meet him in his new drama. For now, let me just get stuck with Jaeho and HWRL.


Posted on BYJ's Quilt by soil

Now it's hot summer.
The real summer has come....

He will be very busy in the middle of this summer to heat up all Asia hotter and hotter, and after this summer we can meet him in his second movie.

Right now it is like a pause before a typoon;

how about delving into and savoring Jaeho' life, again... with the help of yukomaru's guidance?


Jaeho-ya, what do you wanna eat?

source : yukomaru in JOB July 19. 2005
translated into Korean by yesbut
translated into English by soil

How are you, everybody, fans of ?

To me Jaeho is as precious as my life.

Though I wrote a number of long and dull articles about Jaeho till now, today I feel so overwhelmed with my flooded love to and longing for Jaeho that I can't help but to want to speak to him directly.

What I want to speak to him is about food.

Basically I am a food-lover so that I loved so much the scenes where he ate, and I am wondering about which kind of food he liked. Sometimes he might have to hurry up to go to the market simply after drinking down a glass of milk. Oh, he was such a tall and well-built man. To maintain his frame he might be a man with a good appetite and I am wondering about whether he usually could have a proper breakfast, and whether he might eat fast ... because he always must have been pressed for time with loads of work and study.

Thus, I want to write in a quite different style than before without any specific theme. Do you think it would be alright? (don't say no or I will be deaf to it. ^^)

I think this article would be a bit sentimental and silly, therefore I'd like to recommand reading this only to the people who are food-lovers and have enough time to read it.

Jaeho-ya, what do you wanna eat right now?

Before you passed away, you suffered severe vomiting.

Even eating itself might become part of your battle against the illness. You could neither see nor hear so that it might be very difficult for you to speak something, and in the last stage of your illness it might be impossibe for you to eat itself....

The night before your last day, Jinsook, your aunt, and SinJa talked together in the garden of Gooro-dong house, looking up at stars and shedding tears "I'm gonna see Jaeho tomorrow, making Kimchi that Jaeho likes," said Sinja. Even though she said like that, she knew, Jinsook knew, and me who was watching knew that you were not in the condition to eat sort of Kimchi thing.

But, Jaeho, now you are in heaven, without feeling any pain or feeling like vomiting any longer, and you could hear and see, be happy and healthy, and laugh, right?

And then, I am wondering about what you wanna eat right now?

In your Gooro-dong house, everybody ate together around the table for breakfast in the morning. And next to you there was always that small Heejin sitting. Why, why did Heejin always occupy the seat by you??? It was strangely impressed on my mind.

Childeren are honest. They get easily irritated in an uncomfortable place. When sitting by you, small Heejin might eat relieved. She might feel good at your young vitality, life force. She might get noticed the warmeness and the big-heartness hidden inside your heart.

Yongjoon-ssi who played you said somewhere, sometime, " when I played Jaeho, I tried to imagine what a man, who grows up in the surrondings like Jaeho's, was like, and I tried to act accordingly even in small gestures like holding up and down a spoon.

Yongjoon is really beautiful when eating food, but you who looked straight at food and ate a mouthful of food at once vigorously were also Yongjoon-ssi.

Hi there, Jaeho, what do you wanna eat now???

When she noticed you were sick, Jaeyoung said, crying, "you became sick because of mom. Since childhood, you couldn't eat what you wanted, you keep having hard time mentally, you should work at night, and study at day,,, and then you became sick."

When I realized that you had a time even to have to supress your desire to eat what you want to eat, I was so sorry.

It occured in your adolescence, when you were growing up the most actively.... You didint afford to think 'I like this, oh I wanna eat that.'

But, you know my ear didn't miss auntie Jinsook's saying "Jaeho-ya, have Bulgogie, please" when you and Sinhyung visited to Gooro-dong house, after your marriage, to congratulate Jaeyoung on her pregrency.

Hm, you are a man so that naturally you prefer meat rather than Sinja's Kimchi, I suppose. But when I saw all of you relieved when Seogu could receive his first salary, no doubt that eating meat frequently might be luxury to all of you.... Thus, you couldn't eat enough meat, I suppose.
Well, what if I send you cooked meat in heaven? Oh, Sinhyung is cooking it for you??

By the way, I guess you might think Haeja's (Sinhyung's mother) food was more delicious than Sinhyung's.

I could remember that you had dined at Sinhyung's house, finding Sinhyung neither to go for tutoring nor to come back home. Regretfully, there was no scene of your having meal at that time. I really wanted to see which food you ate then.

Although you were worried to death about Sinhyung's whereabout, you must have not showed your anxiety about her to Sinhyungs's parents, and must have been polite enough to have your meal with relish. I really wanted to see you in such a scene.

Your fans, the japanese azummas, said whenever they saw crabs, it reminded them of you. You know that on the box you carried on your back there were jananese letters also written, didn't you?

I think that Sinhyung's family or Giljin could buy crabs at the market and say, "oh, how about having crabs tonight" but Jaeho, did you have eaten crabs then?? crabs...... that you carried so often, delivered so often, and kept tidy so often at your shop that the smell of crabs might permeat into your whole body.....

I'd rather make a bet on the people saying your won't eat crabs. If he couldn't sell out crabs, Seokgu would have said, "let's just boil all of them and eat all".

But I think that you would never say that, and you'd rather try to running around shops here and there to sell the last of crab.. I think that to you crabs were valuable goods that were to sell. They were not that you would eat.

And then, what in the world do you wanna eat now??

In Japan, people make an offering of liquer in front of tomb, and do you do that in Korea, too?

But, Jaeho, I will give up doing that in front of your tomb, because I know that liquers always meant tears to you.

Once you had a time to drink with Seokgu with a bit pleasure, but most of time you were swollowing bitter liquer in desperation, lament. A glass of Soju (Korean pop liquer) would remind you of sad memories, wouldn't it?

Instead of liquer I would make an offering of a bottle of water, which you gulped down with your happy face, working lively and wiping out your sweat, when you obtained Sinhyung's heart after much trouble.

Yongjoon-ssi often appears on CF for sport drink, Ion-aid and recently we also can buy it in Japan. And he shows up on CF for 'Seven Colors Asian Tea', the miraculous tea, too. How about trying those soft drinks? I can picture how you sip those strange drinks..... how adorable!!.

Oh, Jaeho, what do you wanna eat, what do you wanna drink??

Jaeho, I wanna send them, whatever you want, to you.

Jaeho, I am thinking and thinking for 44 hours about that, but there's no clue on what was your favorite food or drink, and I don't know what I can send you to make you happy.

When I reflect on your life, I realize that you can't afford to enjoy food or drink. And the fact itself touches my heart and makes me heartbroken.

I wanna ask you, Jaeho, that when you come into this world again, you should lead a life to enjoy ordinary but natural happiness; you should be healthy, laugh, and be in a position to say "Oh, I wanna eat this. Sinhyung-ssi, on the salary day, let's go to a restaurant together to eat this"

Till then, I will drink a glass of liquer solmnly, contemplating on your tears.

If any idea what you want to eat or drink occured to you, please drop by me anytime in my dream , tell me and then I'll send it to you.

to my beloved Jaeho.... with my hands clasped in prayer

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